Been awhile…

I haven’t written a text blog in awhile because tumblr turned into a place of random entertainment and porndom. But I feel the need to rant because everyone knows the struggles I deal with when it comes to school. In a way, I know my emotions aren’t justified because this favor that I’m asking for is completely unnecessary and unwarranted. I’m obviously being a little selfish to ask for this favor, but I honestly can’t help it because it ultimately keeps me on the path I need to be on—the career path that makes the most sense to me and doesn’t delay my time all too much. I just really don’t want to waste anymore time. I always tell people that I’m taking my time doing things little by little, but at the same time part of me dies a little each year that time has passed and much of my life has gone to waste. I mean, I still have a lot to accomplish in this path. I’ve barely overcome that first step and I have many challenges ahead of me, the main one being my age. It really shouldn’t make a difference how old I am and when I end up starting/finishing med school but it does! I’m already tired and exhausted from fighting and working this hard to stay focused. So to expect the same energy for the next x-amount of years is highly unrealistic! Can I even maintain the intelligence and zeal to accomplish something at the age of 30-something? How can I achieve this caliber of higher education at that age? At an age when I expect I would have a house, kids, no debt, and stability. I know this is something I want. I get this feeling inside of me when I research the MCATS, med schools, and residencies. I get that feeling of belonging and purpose, as if I was destined for that path and destined for the opportunities it will bring. Not monetarily, but mentally. I want that challenge and I am hungry for the excitement. And I guess the fact that it will being me closer to the house, kids, and stability is an added perk. But does it have to be this difficult to achieve? This difficult to put myself through school? How are kids my age succeeding in this and here I am at stage 1 of it all? This has been my biggest regret in life. The fact that I’ve wasted so many years when I could’ve been this much closer to greatness.

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