Previously…

I mentioned previously that I’ve been dealing with an ongoing frustration with broken promises. Tonight was a clear confirmation that nothing WILL ever change for me; tonight I am just as rooted in square one just as any other day. I think its such a big issue to feel as if you are doing so much but left without any sort of progress to show for all your hard work. For it to be ongoing is just extremely torturous. Surely, I should’ve been used to it by now except that all my hopes and dreams continue to keep me optimistic. Naive is actually a better definition for the ignorance towards my reality. I seriously push and push to get out of this “box” I call community college. I’ve essentially plateaued in my educational career and I’m seeking better opportunities; I’m unfortunately unsuccessful in the matter. I’m not sure if my parents understand the magnitude of frustration and stress that I endure, especially since they continue to undermine my performance and let my accomplishments go unnoticed. I pray to God that I could get into a program this year and every year that I am rejected from every school I applied to, I am burdened with the responsibility of redirecting my path and reevaluating the perspective opportunities. “She” promised that she would help me pay for school, without question. Yet when it came down to it, it was all too much for her to handle. So there we have it, back here in square one. Another year to waste and redirect my dwindling passion. I have fallen yet again, weirdly enough, I am eager to get back up again. Sure, I get older by the year, but maybe that is my lesson from God - that age or whatever, doesn’t dictate when a person is obligated to such success. I don’t know….part of me is extremely depressed, but another clings to a minute source of hope. I think my strategy is to get away from this life already and maybe relocate away from here.